Updated: Mar 3
Have you ever been through something that shook your faith and caused you so much fear and doubt? Have your every questioned God? Have you ever been in a place where you believed the lie of the enemy? Did you ever think God would not show up for you? That was my story, but it doesn't have to be yours.
Back in 2009 I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis, which is a disease that attacks the colon. They say there’s no cure. I can remember being home for days in excruciating pain. I had been back and forth to the hospital and was sent home every time. I wasn’t getting any better, the pain just grew worst. One night, I remember waking up out of my sleep, I ran to the bathroom and on my way back to bed, I passed out. All I could hear was my husband saying, "Stay with me, Babe."
I was taken to the hospital by the ambulance. When I got there, they ran all kinds of tests trying to figure out what was going on. I couldn’t hold anything down and I was going to the bathroom all over myself. They ordered a Flex Sigmoidoscopy, which is a test to see what was going on inside of my colon. It was then they explained that my colon was very sick and I was very ill. They started treating the condition with many medications to reduce the inflammation. The second day I was in the hospital, I can remember my best friend, Nikki, coming to visit. She jumped in the bed with me and we were watching something on her computer, when the doctors and surgeons came into my room and said the medications weren't working; and we need to do emergency surgery to remove my colon. That was something I dreaded. I began to cry. Nikki called my husband who had just left me to go to work. He returned immediately, looked at the doctors and said we need a minute to think about this.
He turned to us and said we are going to believe God. At that time, he cancelled all my visits, prayed over me and kept me encouraged. Within 24 hours, the medication started working.
The doctors returned and stated it has been a turn around in my progress and surgery was no longer needed (My God). I spent 14 days in the hospital recovering. During that time, I gained so much. God was faithful. He sent me Godly nurses, & ministers of the gospel who prayed with me; it was amazing. I started gaining my strength back after 10 days of starvation. Through that process, I could see God in His fullness. Through it all, I learned how to trust Him because I realized that only the Lord could get me out of this and heal me.
The day came that I could finally go home. I had never been as close to God as I was at that time. I felt like Moses in the tent of meeting; being face-to-face with God. See, it’s in the darkest moments that we get to experience the Lord. Something happen to me while I was in the hospital. God met me right where I was and I went to another level in Him. I was praying all the time and reading the word of God. True intimacy was birthed.
The story was not over. The medication stopped working and I ended up back in the hospital. They started me on medication infusions, which were so powerful that they would get rid of the inflammation in my colon. This journey repeated every 8 weeks with a needle in my vein. It was humbling to say the least. My body began to build up antibodies to the infusion and it stopped working. What a journey. I tried most things. I began to pray and ask the Lord what to do next. I said to God, "Lord, I need direction." I started seeking a natural approach for my health. In 2015 I reconnected with a high school friend who was now a Holistic Coach. We connected and she allowed the Lord to lead her in helping me through a holistic way to heal my body. I stopped eating meat, sugar and dairy. My colon was as clean as ever. I came off all medications and was feeling amazing.
Seemingly out of nowhere, in 2018 I ended up back in a flare, Yes a flare. At this point,
I was confused, frustrated, and depressed. I just knew I was doing all the right things. So, here I am, back in the wilderness - questioning God, feeling discouraged, and having a hard time understanding why I’m going through this. My mind was in disarray. The devil was sitting on my shoulder telling me I was going to die. I started to listen to him, you know like Eve in the garden. I was wrestling with doubt, fear, and unbelief. I was struggling in my mind; fighting for healing. I forgot who I was. I was afraid. The turmoil had taken a toll on me, I thought I was losing it. I took the position as David, who prayed in his distress. I was desperate. It was then I heard a still small voice say, "My grace is sufficient." Pray Through! emerged in October 2018.
One day, I was in prayer crying out to God, walking the floors and praying for healing. I heard the voice of the Lord say to me, "Put your healing prayers to a CD." He told me that this CD will touch many lives and that others will connect with it. Their faith would be lifted. He told me it would go in hospitals and the sick will pray those prayers. I cried even harder because I immediately told God that I couldn't do that. Fear started to take over. I started talking my way out of it. I am one that loves to be behind the scenes. The thought of being out in the open scared me. I went all the way in my head with it. That didn’t stop God’s plan. My husband and my Bishop were on board. The Lord began to fill me with the prayers. I went through the bible and made battle plan prayers and just prayed the word of God. It wasn’t easy, but I chose to be obedient.
Many days, I wanted to give up. I remember concluding that no, I can’t do this. I had a release date for the recordings set for the 3rd week of June. I had set backs along the way, but His voice was so loud in my ear that I could not refuse to follow through. I had enough strength to get up. I reached out to a couple of prayer warriors asking for them to partner with me in prayer for this assignment. God had given me everything I needed.
When God gives you a vision, He will make provision. All I needed was provided for and the project was complete in 1 month. How Faithful is our God! I want to be an encouragement of how not to give up, but, instead, to simply Pray Through!
First Lady of Bethel Deliverance Church Northeast
FB & IG: @ladyshantebaldwin